Requiem: Pin Pricks of Eternity
I was obsolete, piece of deflated rubber
from a torn balloon lying amidst debris
Your birthday party revelry.
You sidestepped careful to avoid the confetti
And piñata mess.
I looked at you, my strobe in a darkened discotheque
A distant star of a distant galaxy
Shining into my future, floating pinprick of light,
Red shifted ember dying in infinity.
With a naughty glimmer then, you focused your lens
On me.
And then, no lightning, no thunder, no grand subterfuge
Bleary silence torn asunder by living breath’s kindness.
You were just being you. A cheerful sprite, weightlessly
Effortlessly light. Angels weep starlight, bless
Forever shimmering at a surreal distance.
I felt lightened uplifted, crushing weight of distant past
Lifted off my shoulders, air filled my lungs.
Distance died in our intimate soul embrace.
Whence it came, this compassion of an angel
I don’t know, but the compass directed by love...
Sent your kind words, love, and laughter, to my side.
Fresh breath of life, quickened my soul, hope inflated
Chest, grace of being cherished softened angularities
I became a world, complete unto my own
a spherical trembling tear poised on eternity
spinning out into your vast unknown.
Your skilful wilful light guided me, tiny pinpricks
afloat, I followed you into charcoal black night
Rudderless, tracking radars defunct, with child's
Wishful eager faith.
Your ship, charted its whimsical wayward course,
In eccentric ethereal fanciful mood
I trailed it plodding in awful concentration
Softly slowly it faded from my sight, into
Thin air vanished. By a black magic spell
Cast by an evil Saruman.
Terror crouched in me, wild beast let loose
Abandonment haunted me, a tamed bird
Dying thousand trembling deaths, uncaged
Fearfully.
Wings become vestigial reminders of virgin
Flights never undertaken.
Virginity is a solo mind untrained to be itself.
Unenlightened, disempowered, risking everything
That you are, uncomputed sum of unknown factors
To be what, only you can be.
The most fearful thing of mindless purity
The terror of the scourge of unborn innocence
Left to fend for itself. The lights died out
One by one. The glow receded, faded.
Have you ever felt negative space?
Where love is regret, mercy repulsion?
Unable to retreat, where calm becomes
Subdued anger, peace a graveyard
Where it all ends? I have. I can feel
You at work, Angel of Death, your dark matter
Negating active existence of my light.
Myself folding in, crunching, bunching up inside me
An inside job of seamless relentless obliteration.
Globular smooth maws self-masticating,
Like a leviathan, I even wore a bib, made a fancy meal
Out of it. My self-cannibalism.
Against the granuloma of dark night
Calcified stars ghastly chalk grins
The nightmare of gritty singularity
Threatening to turn me back to the
Infinitesimal speck I was. This time around
I fear, I won't be found by you again.
Readers bear witness. Come to the party of my
Intergalactic cosmic show, traveling alien circus
Of searing joys and pain, serious mirth and
Shallow sanity. Let us mind meld. Come inside
My big empty. My deep chilling spaces, vacant stills
My frightful hollows holding toxic waters
Come mess around with my will, and voyeur be of
odd noxious dreams, inhale anaerobic vapours
The living death of Oxygen deprived fantasies
Feel the deadweight anchor of heart of lead.
I have lost my will, let go of me ghost,
Of departed Love desecrating the cemetery
Of my unhusked rubbished unloved soul
Carefully tread on this unhallowed ground.
All rights reserved
© Amrita Valan 2014
Footnote: This poem comes with a warning. "Dreadfully Depressing!" Written about a week back, I was unsure of inflicting it on my friends...today ...questionable action won over inaction.
No comments:
Post a Comment