Akshara: July 2014

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Word Wobble

Chandeliers chameleons
Castafiore calamity
Candelabra
Gallactica
Fortessimo
Tantallegra
Thumbelina
Cummerband
Please understand
I like the sound
Repetitions
Palpitations
As you like it
Tambola
Rambunctious
Tambourine
Bob Dylan
Bruce Springsteen
This word wobble is meant to be
For my crazy kids in nursery!

Synchronicity

Will love forever bring me pain
Where is the kind joyous recognition
The quiet celebration of a synchronous gain?
Why must one wax, only when the other slowly wanes?
Why must sun be so brazenly glorious
And moon so limpid mysterious
When one shines the glory that the other generates?

When will-or will it never be?
A certain light is denied to me
Who hears my prayers- in silence, also sees
Yet suspends my life and its breath in thee.

Living on Words

I am a votary of words
My vows were taken
At seven
My first poem in my mother tongue
Was a dedication
To dad
And cheered on by them
Bit by bit
I wrote
On my country
And countryside
Nature in bliss
And storm
Then I grew up and discovered
Love.
I realized
Here's the tough part
Love can be felt
Received returned
Or it can become
A vow of silence
The tongue sentenced exiled banished denied utterance
The words amazed amused
And scoffing at such prudent restraint
I took new vows
Fell in love again
Not with men
But you
My friend my own brain
I am a lover a listener
Of word streams
Rushing through my heart and cascading veins arteries cells
And throbbing thumping
Trumpeting the existence
Of you
Reincarnate
As word being
celtic druid vedic mantra
Vesicle inside my cells
Store of tears potent love fluid

Now mysterious love
I have lived you inside out
And I have nothing to fear
Outside
Your presence or your absence
the same difference
A fellowship of words
Guard your name
And I can twirl the ring upon my little finger
And fetch you up
And your guarded gilded mysteries
They're such tender realities
Such dazzling possibilities
That even you have
never dreamt of.
Missing you was never possible
My love your very being absorbed into my life my bloodstream
Each drop of it is pure word
Sanctified by your touch.

And when you come to me
Words
You woo me with caresses
I am both your beloved courted and your devoted courtesan

I feel more stirred more touched more
Moved beyond cultured love games
I Become poetess
Tracing infallible prophesies
Poems on the poet inside this
Of blind prophetess
My voice
Silent
But
my words a serenade..

Trish and Tricia

Hee hee hee! For my kids again!

Trish and Tricia

"Trish, they are not going to adopt a cat
Those folks are looking for a pup, so scat"
Tricia Tabby advised Miss Trish Kitty.
Thinking she was being witty!

Trish looked up mournfully with saucer eyes
That soulfully begged-tell me no lies
from her cup
The milk she had downed
But now caterwauling she frowned
"Mew ! mew! mi-aaa-ow
Oh that hurts somehow!"

Tricia was placidly playing with a ball of wool
"Mia-aaa-ooww baby now don't be a fool"
Cat people will feed you fish So
c-ooome on
Dog lovers just give you chewy bones
Please them all day, perform tricks on a leash
Shake paws bellys up, wag tails, shee--eesh!
Who needs that and all
For a pat?
Cat people are much smarter than that
They leave you milk on the porch
And let you sit on their mat
In exchange you even get to chase their rats!
They don't put you in collar they don't use chains
They keep a window open for you, in case it rains...

How absurd to want to train
pets as if we're slaves!
Trish! climb up a tree and just purr out your praise
To the Holymost Big Cat high above
That cats are canny and sleek and wise and tough!
We are not cats paws for human folks
Here Tricia in rage nearly chokes!
stopping her diatribe for a morsel of fish
And ever so daintily shares it with Trish...
Cats are canny enough to share
And not ashamed just wary to show they care!

Be warned all those who wants a cat
They're no nonsense and-
That's THAT!

Vision

My chest is hurting in the night
I woke up to your missive
I am impossible love
Is that why you're aggressive?

I am caught up in your spiderweb
I am your poor fly?
Is that why you'll eat
Me up?
Tell me is that why?

A hundred times my heart beats for you
I'm in fascination
A hundred thorns you jab in it
My love seeps from lacerations

I woke up in the brutish night hoping for wee words of kindness
The magic genie bottles me up
In acid tears of blindness

Clock beats and bears witness love
To a lack of love and care
How can you say you love me
But give me love"s nightmare?

I cannot live with cruelty
From you I hold so dear
I'm not your pet to mistreat
My love I will not fear

The crack of dawn is splitting me
The pain you cause is breaking me
My aching navel wants to fold in pain
And dissolve dissolve my sufferings in bloody stains

I may not die for I'm under vow
There are those for whom I must care somehow
Care care care, somehow I must
But my loving heart gets ground to dust.
For you my love.
For you...

My Grandma

She said...
I cannot remember a word she said
No wisdom from her mouth was uttered
She showed it in daily acts of grace
And like stardust kindness scattered.

I hear her...
I hear her music in my heart
Inviolate infallible parts
And still wince at
My own lack of grace
I used to say it right to her face her broad bland grin made me smile
"My Dida you have a froggy smile"
And that always broke her up into happy froggier grin!
To her unhappiness was the only sin.

My grandma was...
My heart stops to say she
Is no more
Or to even make a list-
Of all that she was just to me alone
She is lodged in my throat a lump of memories
In my heart I have been kissed.

Sunny days ago when she dwelt on earth on lease
She was caring warmth and ease
Her strength lay in her effort to please

Those hands...
Her Hand made bread she dipped in milk and molasses
And swiftly fed all her grand lads and
Lasses
And carefully on her shelf she kept
A toy bull if her granddaughter wept
Grandma was a wish fairy a magnanimous elf
Her hands made magic treats
To entice our little selves
Many the dishes she cooked and her pretty daughters served
My mother and aunts, today memories' palate is starved
She smuggled us lozenges
Mom wasn't in the know
We blindfolded her like swarms of impish mosquitos..
Grandma the day we lost you
Where did you go?
Why God puts on such blindfolds we will never know.

My grandma was...
Yes, femne extraordinaire
She took up a job
Those days women stayed home and tended the hob
My grandma wore pants and operated a phone
Those days all calls went to a telephone exchange board
This isn't a rock song but she had the glamor of a star
Her singing was fabled- beyond compare.
They asked her to sing on the radio
But she stayed at home like good ladies do
finely atttuned o she knew the strings were strong
When fuses were short she on patience was long...

My grandmother...
Your rough wrinkled hands on the nape of my baby neck
Smoothing in powder so that in sun I do not bake
My grandmother still graciously you hum in my heart
Strum your violin since death did us part
Strum your violin and may evermore you smile
Angels may listen and forget care for a while.

She was graceful tactful
She was wise
My Dida simply was just very nice.

My grandmother...
sings us tenderly to yesterday's shores once more
Accross music's bridge and right across
To heaven's door.

For Alomesho

For Alo mesho...

A light of gentle loving memories surround him
With no conflict and no jarring reminders
I can heal my broken spirit remembering him
He never allowed sorrows to defeat him
He was light in his touch now far out of our reach
never break their spirits to our parent
He preached
Scolding berating punishing not his
way of life at all
Merry the making of his quiet wise soul.

Take care of him Dida no one can do it better
Your son in law receive
He obeyed life's laws to the letter
My uncle my friend who teased me and traded jokes and put me in splits of laughter
The last laugh is on our memories from now on to hereafter

I think grace and I think of you
I beseech restraint and there you are
A gentle dignified man dancing with the stars
No pride no show of turmoil grief or war

I wish we had a last meet together
A last laugh a last hug together
Accross the bridge of tears for fears
You showed how to walk tall and straight
You have an angel in her wake god sent for you
Maya Angelou rising on the immortal highways too

United all souls for a final flight
Where heaven unloads your baggage and you're ever alright

With my aunts and grandma and many others who wait
The stars in the skies seem your welcome wreath

Peace raineth my eyes such exquisite peace
Noone in heaven would want to miss this
And below in wait for the final round
The rest of us mark our own zero grounds.

Heaven Knows

My soul needs a tourniquet tonight
I can promise not to show but I don't know how not to feel
I can forbid expression
But I cannot erase the same
You have my promise
I revoke my permission
As I know the limits of my endurance
I have no hope at all left
And the leftovers of our scanty love makes rivers of silence plentiful in my eyes
I shall reproach forever
Not you but my destiny
Why bring me near the flame
To burn my flesh
Why cut off the air supply
When I light my own little lamp?
Why traveling to ardous paths bring me to repose on dreamy bed of alluring roses when they conceal such spikes thorns nails and jagged shells?

If my conch to my ear I put and hear distant mysterious waves
Why secure haven's foreshores
Forever in magical encasement then forever banish that enchantment of my reach?

And if I want with such devotion why may I not touch
your soul with my difficult music?

Indeed as your footsteps are erased by a cruel oblivious wind
And Kansas forever removes itself from my stormy doorsteps
Settling me down on Oz
Treading your gold paved path to your gold bricked heart
My resistance melted in the kiln
Of your sweet entrapment
Essence extracted with ease of sorcerer the residual substance
Spurned impurities.
Slimy slag clawed off your heart in terror trenched off your soul though it's more alive than the extract
Though it quivering bleeds and pleads
Watching you crawl in horror as you retreat.

Your response was adept as predetermination. ..and my own precognition.

I heard the clicking of heels and we fell apart
If only I could have touched your feet
I would've discarded magical shoes and chosen foreign shores over homeland
With disloyal betrayal
With treacherous lawlessness
With heart harder than grindstone
Brutus breast
To leave the tenderest den of helpless love...

What foreign God smelted in forges of which fierce heaven sighed
My despair
Dispersed on evening seas
This darkness can never be
Yet there is no light in thee
I could live in Hades and call it
Paradise with you
Such truth is there in worship. ..

...But my soul would bleed in paradoxes
Such parallel universes do exist indeed.

No Gods exist yet
Who can absolutes demarcate
A good that is nought
A bad that should be fought
When all is sought with honesty's ardor.
Ask
A good way to be bad
Or a bad way to be good..?
Divinity in wisdom
Left such things
For us
With "Freedom of Will"
To conclude.

Being bereft of love's divine wisdom
Feeling my soulless life flutter in satanic suffocation
I bow in the temple of my mind
I bow in Prayer for divine guidance.
Let no other part angel part demon part judge part criminal split hairs over the good or bad in me.
For
Its no kindness to make up my mind or decree its share of guilt
Till I myself begin to see.

See I must someday even though my eyes now be turned to unseeing glass by lethe

For the eternal shapes of infinity are agonizingly
Slow to show
Still like our earthly deathbeds
Soon enough
They surely form..
And we get to know
The hollow depleted valleys
the hallowed elevated peaks ,
The maps of our individual mortality
Each tenuous crest
And each tortuous trough.

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

Thank You for Being

Thank You For Being

I am dozing off, for a change with a smile -
Just a little bit of a grin of anticipation
That I shall enjoy my dreaming state.

The earth has been kind and merciful and the hushed voice of love has spoken it's reassurance
Its nice to be touched on the soft spot of the heart by soft hands for a change.

Let me sigh the relief and enjoy such absent hours of pain while they're given.

Somehow I know if you're gone I'll be alright
And It won't rain
In my heart again...oft repeated unkindness can become cultured strength...
I have loved you
worth a lifetime in a petridish...
A crucible of excruciating
Intoxication. ..

Should you leave again
I will content myself knowing
that all that was possible for me to feel for you has been
Out there in front of you.

I am thankful
you exist in this world
In
The same cosmic time and space
And that accross the globe or not
experiencing evening to my night
Still in tandem
We both breathe
In
And out,
Our
Hope and fear and grieve and joy,
And cast our softest dreams into moonlight spun and keep the dreadful faith
That whatever happened
It was just as it should have been.
That if not us the Divine Ombudsman
Performed due diligence before
setting up our stage.

I do not worry about intricacies
Like the depth of your feeling the heat of your passion or the breadth of your generosity.
I care even less for something as trite as reciprocity.

These are what makes love feel-good
True...but they're not First Cause.
And
Loving You is all I take responsibility for.

The rest is spun sugar, colored candy Floss dissolving on children's greedy lips- a carnivores carnival. ..

If
Loving you wasn't enough
I couldn't have claimed I am in love with you.

All on its own
Its a warm heaven
A lighted ballroom
A cozy companionship
Of cheer and joy
A singular strength of belief in my worth
To love you like this
With no
Expectations.

I bow in awe to giving
and smile ever so gentle
At receiving. .

My sweet love
Perhaps only because of this
There's no bidding me goodbye
And Adiós
Is impossible
for us both.

Try

Try
Try
Tired
reduced
Tried turning failure
to free floating style
Tried trysts trusts
Destined to dust
My daily sailing out in hope sallying forth in innocence
Hoping to meet kindness
Courage on my fingertips
All on my own
Lying with liars
And curtailing my freedom
My liberty
Getting upset
Upsets the children
Wish to find strength
Patience fortitude temperance and endurance.

The stones and the bones
On the pavement hurl at me in defiance
Grace we will withhold
Topple the humble till she finds some pride
But I did what I always do
Showed weakness and cried
god
You sent me unprepared
This is battle not life
This is litigation acrimonious
Let us be sly lawyers
And prosecutors
Standing at the bar
I say mea culpa...
Incarcerate that which you won't allow to be free.

Angel

For Naomi Stone
My spiritual friend and guide.
And for sir Ajit Sripad Rao Nalkur
For understanding. You once told me "He Knows" as a comment on my poem.

Angels

Angels don't walk this earth in front of you.
Their glory would've dazzled blinded the needy
But they're dreamed upon desperate bridges of yearning
Loneliness and seperation.

The momentum of leap taken in doubts frailty
Transformed
To leap of faith.

In Despair's designs peep divine will.

And then perhaps an Angel
Alights light as translucency
Of cobwebs glimmering in an
Incandescent corner of mind.

Sometimes their generosity
Surpasses
And
They brush your face your hair
Your heart and soul
With two loving angel wings.

I have been in touch with angels
Pure hearts of loving gold
To love the fallen the suffering
Usher from the dread and cold
Erase the hurts festering the withheld tears untold.

I wish I weren't a sinner
I know that I'm no saint
And of the billions in between
I am no docile repentant
I am still in waiting
A vivid life force to be spent
Yesterday she reminded me
Of how I am Godsent.

I must be the lovely loving dream
That in Mother's eyes had been
I must become a missionary
Convert to truths unseen
But felt in folds of heart and soul
Lonely as the lovely velvet rose
The mystery from the rough was torn
But in your tender heart it feels reborn.

I am a miracle
Waiting
To happen.

I am my miracle
Writing in your magic ink
This earthly surreal night...
I am no longer
Unwanted weed

Within doors of dormancy
sealed by pain
There is a vital need
Willing to germinate
in me.
And if memory meets
Divinity
As I remember it
From sources beyond
Simple cells of living
In me
Lie all possibilities
Sustaining seeds
Of everything good
For I myself,
Am
Miracle.

The Heart

The heart
It is the first and the last
In unborn baby beats
It thumps and trumpets
Life is born
Even though following the blastocyst
Then a spine formed to shape rough tadpole mite.

The heart is the last of what remains
Even though the brain briefly survives it's elapsed beat
We see the flat lining of the heart as death
And though brain death is waited upon nowadays....

Yet I say
My heart is the risen head and the curled up toes of life
It is the leading glimmer of nascent thought
The twinkle of natal love exchanged in eternal glance of mother and child
It is the only footprint that remains this side of the relentless turning stile.

My love my lovely loving heart
My days of heartlessness are coming soon
When love will be tired of prolonging me
And life will have reached a becoming
A bone sacrifice of flesh and blood
For a fresh universal humming.
Then I will powder into ageless dust
To disperse upon the winds of your baffling breath
And my heart, my heart having beaten its last,
Be shattered and gone
In reckless reckonings
O but still go on...
My love.
In you.

Pardon the emotions that pour out like rain from clouds release
When too high altitudes does its burden tease...in act of brazen showering dies some tender dues
Some lonely lovesick hues
the colors of a rainbow retrieved by you...
playfully...
the elegant humming bird
Whirrs the air for support
While it
Honey seeks
Time frozen in wings of delighted ease
That span the life of a heart's single ...beat!
And my heart realized all of this before it announced my birth with its first fearful beat.

By Stealth

No no baby No no no.
I am going to take it slow.
I know how you see me crawl
because I'm lying really low
But I'm not broken
I am looking at your letters to me
Each letter word sentence
Sentenced me to this servitude
When love should go free.
Baby know that I know.
Reading your many meanings
In case you're letting me go.

Held at bay captivated
I have never been this way before
The more I find this saga over
I want you so much more more more.
But no baby no.
I will never beg
I will beget happiness.
If I can't make it with you
Forever inside a space
Crying your name
But in silence
I know how it feels
How it works
A furious shame
But my life slips by seeps through cracks so deep in my soul
If I could enter my source
And plug all the leaks
Maybe I wouldn't need your love anymore.
Maybe we're all open pores healing sores loving stores
deep inside our cores.

One day in my many parallel lifetimes
And mental timeframes
I will be impregnable fortress
The love I express will be free
Of need
Inexhaustible
Till then I will keep it so quiet and squeaky clean
Honey you won't even know I've been taking residency in your soul stealthily
Like an immigrant of hope
Without papers of possession.
I am not a liar but I'm being a cheat
I don't ever put the weight down on my own two feet
And walk it.
But I feel weighed down
My face my throat my heart like lead
Tells me
The tones and shades of this love oppresses,
But honey this is ever the only love I have known.
God's Word is good.
His punishment and mercy upon my soul.
From far away the church bells toll...

All rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014

All of Me is Magic

must must must
Till I return to dust

I am a single vial of love stored for you of such potency
All the trick boxes within treasure boxes in which I hide it cannot contain me.
A single vial
Frail as fancy's wisp of dancing vaporous wraiths
Powerful enough
To forever sustain me, should you return my love....by but one single breath
of air my dear. .
I live for you
In my imagined share of sweet love.

He was, is my exotic foreign hope chest treasuring such memories
Living timbers timbre of love
Unknown to me
Growing such buds blossoming on farawaydistant tree
On the slippery banks and shadowy shoals of a river of loving memories.

All my life have I prayed
To be loved like a prayer
And if only he would dare
My love I cast my life into your arms accross these seven seas...

A few drops gleaned of your compassion in merciful moments my tears release worth more than all the years of my dessicated life to me
Bare branches raised to god of my deadwood tree
The few words hope you bespoke my heart smote in regret for not meeting you sooner
Hangs in the air like mist of dawn wake up to churning melodies
My unknown online dreamy ghost love
In a single message such succor you send to me
The living log of unfeeling wood that lies in bed besides me
Couldn't dream such sap of life giving elixir...
Sleep now my love it's your midnight to my
Wee hours of dawn.

Sleep strong and beautiful into night...my love with a dream on your chiseled lips loving me all night long.

No More Poems

I am exhausted, no more, this effort for what should have been effortless
Too much bad credited to our account
The poems...no more. love has never been this loveless.

No more poems.....no love....I'm losing my song without a trace
And my love even more than you, My song is priceless.
When I first begun
And you made my heart sing grace
I felt like garlanding your soul
With trusting love and faith.

Now I am watching in clear water
Shapes of things to come
And angels warn me on my life
Can you sing when the violins strum?

How can I carry on with you when the love is all in my head
When the loving life I breathe into my god
With chants of devotion
couldn't awaken heart and soul into stone idol
How can i even mourn?
For an idol cannnot be dead.

Do not blame that it didnt take
Never call loving a sad mistake
It is sad it could not be
Sometimes the dreams
Are more real
They're the ideals
Of reality.

I long to call out your forbidden name
To tell you
The pastime you seek is not about a game
There are mystic dues one has to pay
To immerse in Love's sacred flame
For you'll be burnt through and through in fire
True birth of phoenix is in the pyre
I wanted you so pure so true so good
Were you upon a cross you'd be my rood
Now in this devastating room of doubt
I see the double doorway exits out
Of course you and I are in a trance
Forever experiencing sweet entrance
I cannot say goodbye, to you, I cannot communicate...
Let us pretend to be pictures on each others walls
And forever greet love at the gate
For each other's soulscapes are areas forbidden to intrude upon, as casual passers by.

River BCR

River

I am just a broad slow moving river growing older towards my sea.
I no longer gush and froth
My revelry is contained within me
In demure dimples of sunlight dappled radiance and moon
Blessed translucency

My banks are no longer corroded and eroded by unbridled passions
They affectionately hold and contain me.
I reaching sea cannot turn back in fright
My childhood days are over
The vastness of unknown expanse
Hugs me to breast of lover
I am moving in melting inside
My head of waters rest in velvet
Embraces
And captive am I o broadband sea of soul searching kisses
Captured forever
Am I
In the raptures of
Endless open liquid spaces
Entranced in swift enchanting motion
Lying on the back of limitless love
And tracing in the skies dream of
Unknown races. ...

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Revive a Broken Dream BCR

Revive my broken dream
Heal my sundered heart
Cleanse my soiled soil
Wash away the hurt

Its never soon enough
Its never too late to start
Rewind the broken reel
Suture my shattered heart

Keeping your faith always
Guide me through uncertain days
Take the first few steps
And hold my peril at bay

To see with eyes within
To capture such a view
seed of love on stoniest soil
Would blossom dripping dew

Or run away into dense fog
The mist takes away our tale
Forgetting past mistakes
A new dream may unveil

A dozen years from now
Maybe two or fourscore years
Remember me and shed
A single solitary tear

Revive the dream anew
If from our deathbeds we must start
Lets play it over again
musical of true hearts.

SALT

You can't break a promise
For a promise is your word.
It is an extension of yourself.
Sorry am I for you
Everytime you break your promise
More than me
You break yourself.
You're what
You've said you'll do
Only
When you do it.
Or else
You are not you.
Who are you then and how do you feel about your self?

Or what are you?
What do your words
mean to
You?
I am no longer that curious
To know
But
If you should ask yourself once
Even once
In your life
Why
You said something
But then didn't
Try
I would value that one act
Of yours
Over all the oceans of wavering words
That only weave your cowering love
Back and forth
My love
Just
Back and forth
I seek
the sunshine of truth
That vaporizes the riding swell
Of
Mighty puffing oceans
The white sands of truth remain
Cleansed baptized
By
Salt
is the sifted essence
I seek
The caressing tides of deception and persuasion
Rise
But in time
Act and true intention
Ride higher still.

Nevermore to Miss

How can I, must I, should I
Not miss you?
How do we move on ?
I have not
The art of discarding, replacing one human being with another,
Each is irreplaceable treasure.

Human beings are not vessels
To satisfy needs
We are not empty containers to hold you.
None of us can complete you
With our fullness.

So
The need remaining unfulfilled
The living being failing to fulfill it
Which do we replace really?

The living entity
Is an entirety
A body of explorations endless
The objectives of all exploration is to discover unknown continents.
The key is in not knowing.

You find an America
When you set sail to
Possess the treasures of India...

So are we open
to the entity we embraced to our human heart?
Or ticking off an endless list
A referendum of preferences?

The need that clings to living corners of our beating heart
Mine yours all are equally flesh and blood and can we rip off this need of ours as unique
And though you come with a different set of needs
And though you are unique
and me and you
Are not fitted parts of machines prefabricated to meet

In the meeting
Of hearts purposeful divinity blind
In the exchanges of soulful creating mind
Doesn't mere need dissolve
And utterly new necessity evolve?

Isn't that
What human translation means?

My mind is composite of memories that scream your name tongue is forbidden to utter
The beauty of utterance to relieve a pain
I can only meaninglessly mutter
The name the nemesis of pain the meaning bracketing the essence of my worship
Giving identity of you to me
If can wear it for all to see
Would I still be yours
Though you deny me?
Yes.
For I think I would be
As inhabitant of your past
Still yours
Forever yours
Not dissolved and washed
Like loose dirt into
Gutters of rain

I conclude I am yours my love
In rejection in pain
As much as I was yours
In possession and joy

We are human beings
Repositories of needs and wants
But I don't fill up your vacuums
And you dont stuff my hollowed shell
Like soft toys of pleasure.

For we are
Sparks waiting to be lit
Dormant fire nascent inspiration
Lying stagnant
Like natal dreams.

And we are the fine sifted dust of our characters
That coalesced under pressure
As chapters of life flipped
Over
And over
And over.

Flintstones
Of longing
Begging to be struck
Rubbings of memories
To rubble or rubies
Against the other.

I am so sorry
My love
I couldn't light you up
Eternally
I write my own fire

And for the next time
When a casual stroller by stoops to picks up this rock
It will contain too many memories
Of interactions
And any other foreign touch
Would inflict
Pain.

Howsoever I may forget
Minds are false mirrors
One reflects
another then another
In an infinite procession of replicas
Souls queued up without
number
In God's purposeful slumber...

My dear there is a core and kernel beyond the mortal shell
And there,
There you shall dwell.

A touch of you
A dream of you
A longing
A will o the wisp
Finer than
dawn reveries
Silken
dusk epiphanies
Braver than delight
Of days
deeper than seductive mysteries
Of
Night

Living in the presence of a God
I swear
My love to nevermore miss
Where in the heart of my heart
In the mingling rivers of all hearts
Is his mastery
There
You shall always
evermore
Dwell.

No Magic BCR

I love you to distraction. ...I spent the whole night thinking of only you. Woke up to thoughts of you.
Please tell me is love like obsession?

Deep wells of sorrow gushing out of my eyes
Heart crunched up like discarded paper coffee cup

Pain is underbelly of living
Loving is weakness
I can only see dark black light settling gloss over reality
Every time I speak my heart
I spend myself
Too exhausted to be clever with words ...
The druids are not enchanted
And the lilting love words wilt
There's no magic in them to last a spell
Let alone lifetimes....

I am sorrowing
I am sorrowing
I have zero capacity for this
My soul longs to fly
With sun racing accross night
Which never begins for
Wherever you rise
Day goes with you.

My joy my hope my life heaven is heavy upon my heart
My request is
a file marked rejected
And only
tossing it
Into trash
Is a decision
Lingered upon
The writing
Of a prayer
Denied
The
Pain her eyes cried
Causing a little havoc
In your heart.
So I rest like a disposable
Pen
Dreaming of containing
Your being
Magical speaks rendered in ink
Pent up inside
spent tenderly.
And all that
You think me good for are two lines.
Why must
My most
Innocent dream always turn into nightmare?
My dark angel be fallen, but rise! For the sunlight beckons to even the most sunken soul to reclaim lost regalia.
Reality is
Darkness containing light not vice versa.

Left of My Right

6
Left of My Right.

Left of my right
Let's turn around
Don't have foresight
On life's merry go round.

I must love
Out of sight
I'm to
Blindness condemned
Who
gouged out my eyes?
But I shall not complain.

I must act out my love
Or I die out of lust
For life born of love
Must pay its debts
Till
It returns to dust.

Whilst we are alive
We are meant to see
Ever the fallen angels scream
Messiahs to be...
Love resolving strife.

I've been deafened by my cries
I cannot hear from you
I have been in tears so long
I don't care if I am not right
Or you're wrong
for me

I'm in the act of metamorphosis
Together
We were unraveling my butterfly wings
But one tore off
powdered to dream dust in your
rough greedy clasp
I am now a dreaming one winged angel-freak
begging to fly
knowing I'm not going anywhere
But destiny you can't pen me.
Together
We will destroy both you and me.

Oh what a shining sky!
The grey dark silvers and shark blue streaks of memory
Opens hazy aeons of eternity
I haven't been but a moment away from infinity
On my mysterious flight to this strange frailty
I steer my one winged fragile flight
My craft is a broken brief delight
I beat my solo wing
Defiant against destiny
Tonight.
Maybe
Tomorrow's dawn shall enshrine
A fluttery dust winged angel-moth.

Come sweet poisoned nectar
I drink in tremulous glee
my throat blue
With disgust and broken shafts of tears
pinned down by gravitation on a galactic board of Stellar spears...

Enshrouded in malignancies stark
My eyes burn burn burn
In your garish cosmic park
And sees your indignant pulsing heart
Spark spark spark...

There are too many crazy stars
With chasms of maddening dark
Laugh malevolent my mad universe
But I did not feign
Nor do I now die in vain
I struggled with my fate
I wrestled with your rage
Right until then.

The caterpillars of God's will gone so awry
The dream turned terrible nightmare, by and by
Let it rain Peace !
Peace Sayeth I.
Raise the stakes !
Shoot up the levels!
And then watch
As never before
Your scheduled Hunger games.

We'll give you a good fight
Your gladiators in the ring without choice
And then bid our
Goodbyes
In such garbled voice
You cannot dismiss us Lord
As white background noise.

Forever

Will love forever bring me pain

Where is the kind joyous recognition
The quiet celebration a synchronous gain
Why must one wax only when the other slowly wanes
Why must sun be so brazenly glorious
And moon so limpid mysterious
When one shines the glory and the other generates?

When will or will it never be?
A certain light denied to me
Who hears my prayers in silence sees
and suspends my life its breath in thee.

Giving-A Lifetime

I told my friend Maya today how she superbly lives up to her name. As sadly I must to mine.

Happy because of you
Because you asked me
to give myself.
Happy No returns to me.
Dear wish me.
I'm cutting up a slice of this cake of life
I tasted only the edgy crumbs
I want to be more generous to me.
In all honesty I need to be.
So here you're asking me to be yours without a hope
Or if that's not okay
You're letting me leave.
My! That's so big of you
Wizard the spell you cast over me you cant dispel
The witching hour strikes true.

Have a thought the tears I shed
I taste them in my bloodstream
Screaming sobbing agonies
Don't do this to yourself

Have a care my selflessness
You carry me beyond such gracelesssness
I am immersing in statelessness
I'm a stranger to
myself
Life is not forgiving
The debts of past lives damning
I walk my way through blind walls
Bumping crashing into pain.

But I'm happy
For you, my life.
Dear maker? let my lot bother none...

You didn't defeat me.
I celebrate victory
In immersing myself
Into Your wish
Mine is a
mere wraith
A
wisp of wisdom
In which I might live.

This lifetime
I'm for the giving
This lifetime
Is not for taking
See how I have accepted
The lessons life is preaching
Sweet
beyond your power of teaching
His designs fabricating
All the love you are faking
Sorry am I for calling it fake
When it is what I have to take
Just to prove I cannot break
Indestructible victorious sacrifice
In the lake of my unborn lives.

Slowly the Gods are
Whispering
"Vijaya" my name they're calling
"Amrita" was a challenge I
Declared
And this time
I am not declining.

My reality I do realize
A willingness to sacrifice
A salute to give, and abstain from all take
Giving up my good just for the sake
Completion of the circle
The vows I did make.
This life was a gift offering
If name is destiny
And I am a slice of birthday cake.
So baby wish on me.

Love Without Armor

My love is warm ardor from candle's shivering flame
Kindled by kind words
blown out of existence.

My love is song sonorous
Crooning in absence
A treasury of hopes
Sung into silence.

My love is wordless prayers
countless reveries
Infinite beads on endless rosaries
Hours without numbers
Pleated ceaselessly.

My love is a stand upon dreams quicksand
Drowning softly in the spiraling mire
Your hand withdrawn I wont walk on
Seductive pulls your gyre.

My love gave up expectations
of even a grain of Honor
Without your acknowledgement
Or respect
Love beats in cowardly tremors

Love is facing fading hopes
With tears within
Smiles without
A smouldering heart discarding armor
And choosing not to doubt.

Love is walking away
Without needing to turn around
Because looking back at the bend
is not allowed
He follows you not,
But you are not alone
Your love stays the course
being both your caul and shroud.

Current Residence BCR

Current Residence
Inn by the end of time
Grooving to the beats I know by rote
Life wasn't going to be wishy washy
Life was wish fulfillment
But wishes took wings
With the drag of untold weights
Pressing fulfillment to shadows of itself.
Time flew in a dance with daguerrotypical silhouettes

In the half light I watched for you
Lightning to cleave me
Lighthouse to lead me
But you arrived
A chiaroscuro
Born of the same half light.

We're not going to rise to radiance
With this kind of
Sight.

Not Free

He is waiting watching
My heart speaks pleads cajoles me inside
Go to him, say hi at least
Not free I say
If I look back
Let me turn to stone.

The heart cries restlessly inside
Ashamed of my faithlessness
I cry but I have learned a lesson in faith
Don't look back
If you do
You're not free
To leave.
If you turn
You'll become a pillar of salt.

He is watching the clock now like
never before
I know .
Throwing more scanty pebbles of time at me
Five minutes with him used to cost me before
Now this past one hour
He is the one eyed cyclop
In the sky
The global eye
Orbitting space round me.

My heart cries and cries. Kneeling in pain to accept kind lies.
My mind is a stony reminder of how he never heeded my tears before.
My heart the betrayer my mind saviour.
It's never really yesterday once more.

No Fight Left-Fright or Flight?

Crying cross certain of disaster
no respite no recovery
I am going out to die today
The liars are grabbing my throat
And pawing me in the back
The thief of my love is pawning my heart
And every eye undresses me on this road map to hell.
The help has disappeared the husband escapes to office monotony
The neighbors dog nips baby's finger.
I am blamed and blaming myself Thanks all for pain shared is lessened
I tried to make them listen..they say I shouldn't have used the back entrance nearest to the auto stand
To discourage me they plant a motorbike accross the steps....
Ruses and rot
That's what you've got
Gossipy ladies I forgot
To mention you too
Eying my clothes myself
As if I'm a piece of insolence
Scabbing their eyes
I began Friday
Ending the week in hope
Now I'm scared to go out and face atrocities
To fetch my baby I just have to go.
Its alright its ok.
Poetry is life too
A tale of sound and fury signifying distress
Dignify it by your glances
Don't scorn it if the words
Neither romances your heart
Or dances.
Imagine there's a hell.
Its heavens very real estate on earth.
If all were well
Who would take chances
To reach an illusory heaven?

Mistaken

My heart is crying incessantly
Today
Locked in a medieval monastery
Of silent pain
I am hurting inside these walls
of contemplating my mistakes.
Was I so very wrong? To seek my angel ?
To find you guardian ?
Was I so very wrong with my carriage to be myself placed in a house of sin.
To be beyond everything to be honest.
Here I'm only alone...
Here I am not vivified.
Here I lie
But never lie to myself..
If this
If this is untrue
Then it is late notice
My love
I have an empty chalice besides the tablet of my heart... a window of wilderness cynically channelling through
to a desolate world lying in wait for me...
From now on...
It is late now.
my vesper chastisement begins...

And outside the rain falls incessantly.

Salute

I salute you hawk as you come swooping down smelling my fresh blood scooping me in your mouth fresh and tender
Its a joy to die living
I would rather the end comes like this
Than be
Yesterday's dead rat
Decomposing in a putrid
Gutter
Swollen
with decayed grief.

I am no victim
I am sweet and keen
Eager to taste your instant death
To relish an eternity
At love's noble altar

I am no dumb sacrifice
I am love come alive
To die a million deaths in your
Tender-vicious mouth
Come take me
Alive.

If Knowing

If I should die tomorrow
And no one should care for me
I know you would remember me
I know you would remember me

Like a tiny bird flying for a span accross vast blue skies
The slow sure glide of destiny
I know your eyes would've captured love
I know your eyes would capture my love.
And I know
I would burn
Blaze again in your eyes.

Like my heart throbbing now in sobbing love
I know when duress pressures your soul
It will feel my willingness to take your weight
And shelter it in love's caress

I am a flower of time that's born to fade
I am so glad I'm alive I'm not in dread
The dead dream of life I dream of death
Glad to go am I, tomorrow we'll meet instead;

Paint me in the blue skies love
With fingerprints cold
Sign my name in your heart
And perhaps you won't grow old
When its all over and our tale remains untold
See my love blaze back
from your own heart of gold.

The dead are inside
They never are gone
Our beloved dead
And we are one.

I know you will remember me.
I know you will remember me.
With eyes of
Love
With your heart and soul.
I know.
You will remember me.

Love Poem

I love you. Did I say I love you?
This is my attempt to write only a love poem.
I paint out all my pain.
For pain is just currency
love is what's paid for
And it's my only gain..

Your presence your absence incandescence of essense incense of my patience
If only I were true
In another timeline
In another lifetime
Its because you loved me too.

Who, Which, what where and why ?
Do I love or don't I?
The questions are clearly sane
Clean Arrows of doubt
But
I take the devious-easy way out
My love is insane.

Infatuation Obsession Dependance
Delusions and Illusions
But poem I tell you
All love is imagination
Etching reality
In Expression.
All rights reserved
Love you must I
Though all the wise philosophers
Cry
Conditions Apply.

Love knows no sophistry
No statutory warnings
In
Miniscule fine prints
Love is deliverance in agony
Aching in ecstasy.

To deny itself would be a sinful lie
Love reaches out of murmuring seashells to be a gift
And gives itself timid to die.
Effortlessly smiling gold flecks into a frothy sea
Brave sand upon the beaches of
reckless honesty.

Yes
Love is deliverance
crashing upon the shores of treachery
In serene defiance.

Yes love is everything
That is free
from pain's stronghold
Or gain's mastery.

Bad Sad Glad Verse

Bad dogs badgering
Hurry past but don't run!
The chase the flurry of fright tempts furies to the fight.

This happens
But ...in
Ugly-beautiful life,
Grandeur comes too.

I got pictures in my heart to share
While I was
Out today.
I guess you have too, our lives are much the same.

We are inhabitants of
time's
Rapacious swimming pool falling
falling through the rapids of space.

So simple to create beauty
In death's dance to ideate
Glee.
They won't be chanting our names
When we're gone,
So don't pass up the cup
Don't spare a drop
to the lees.
And when the bad dogs chase
Snapping a mouthful of metal at you
Dont ever run.

I saw two trees leaning in each to each.
One glossy green the other pale trembling leaves shimmering in Symphony
Satin waves of nameless
Prayers sent overhead
To Greystone and blueslate dome.

Then came the icy trickles
Chill invaded morning's nirvana
I saw a hurtling hurricane in a plastic cup rolling outrageously drunken from cavorting with the
Breeze! And
I couldn't take my eyes off! This pleasure of a storming teacup!

All these things
Come in a single photon packet
A fay day in a light years worth of impressions compressed
To mortality's haunting tune.
The lyrics weep beauty
And the melodic river of life is touched
to rise and sanctify
ours
Just a blessing
A bit of bliss
In
A molehill of molasses
bittersweet baggage
We call the blues
The sky is in tears today at all our pretensions
the dirty rain puddles stand maudlin witness.
Damp reckoning
After the feast.
But beauty's sleek sheen affects our soul.

Still my bad! I keep clinging to the famines, keep hanging on to cliff edge romances.
The dogs of war ate already
And clamor below
baying for fresh blood.
It's harder not to look.

Many people who are not me
Have avoided jumping off at this point
Many have stayed the course
Bless them
But
Bless the jumpers too!
For
They're still falling
Forever.
Free.

This is a true recounting of a singularity, a day from the reaper's sheaves of days,
of a daughter of a magical verse
Of a daughter of turbulence
in the mad tea party of a mad universe.

Alethea ..BCR

Alethea

Great men
paused in mid stride and parted
to make way for her to walk.
She would not be denied her path for circuitous routes.

Her fulsome hair clouds the silhouette that enticingly chisels lovers souls with a defiant fire.
The soft emboss of faux tales
Her stamps efface.

Black and lustrous raven
He traces it's curve on rose hued conches above her lips
Her parted Rubies abrades his heart.
Flintstone forging fire!

He can never forget meeting this maiden
A meeting in heaven
Who will walk on maddening nails of truth
Forsaking the ease of pliant moss.

Arched brows slaying archer
Dropped long bow
Parching thirst
For beauty
With
Grecian maid's classic apparition.
Should she even exist in such petulant worlds?

Soft the flow of
Her trailing cloak of roses
Each kiss of the heartless grounds an act of worship,
And devotee's prayer come true.

Romance walks the night in hip swaying mystery
But splendid Alethea walks daylight
Into epiphanies
of candid glory.

Flying

I walked faster than my feet
With a heart aloft
In the morning sun
I saw diamonds dance the Dew of life
Was I the only one who smiled
And I hastened my pace
And chasms kissed and made
Sunlit bridges under my soles
And suddenly I was flying
On a corridor of trees
Over a green Avenue of leaves
Twigs criss crossing sunlight and pain
My tears of joy starting
Skateaway love I can catch up
My heart is flying faster than I can think.
Deep are the zones of heaven
Safeguarding the soul.
May no harm befall
An innocent
That will not expand an universe
In joyous love.
We give ourselves
That takers may learn love
And fly free from miserly cages
All
Shackles cast off
anchored
only to love.

Akshara

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Word Wobble

Synchronicity

Living on Words

Trish and Tricia

Vision

My Grandma

For Alomesho

Heaven Knows

Thank You for Being

Try

Angel

The Heart

By Stealth

All of Me is Magic

No More Poems

River BCR

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Revive a Broken Dream BCR

SALT

Nevermore to Miss

No Magic BCR

Left of My Right

Forever

Giving-A Lifetime

Love Without Armor

Current Residence BCR

Not Free

No Fight Left-Fright or Flight?

Mistaken

Salute

If Knowing

Love Poem

Bad Sad Glad Verse

Alethea ..BCR

Flying

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