I Had You

  I Had You. ...

I had a dream
It hurts now to say had.
It was such a humble vision
Of  life Iived in the shine of your love
Glittering with my gems of devotion
Daily acts of love and service.
Music you may stop now.
The notes became so strident.
My shrill voice your shrinking soul
My shrieking heart your calm zone
My placid love and your passionate tone
Utter disharmony.
The cluttering of the mind
The clattering of pebbles in a pond
To touch the depth of your rock bottom soul
I sit head down on my lap
By the fountain
All my coins thrown in for a wish
Your love, my own.

Well I had you
Not to love and hold
But nothings are intangibles
To forever cherish...
The time the moment
When I changed
Towards you in  constancy
And reaffirmed my affiliations.
I had to love you less
To love myself a little.

I had thought to lose myself
And not care the cost in your love
That was a stone pile of precipitated tears turned
To  cave crystals
Brilliant, doleful, archaic.

Why could I not forgo ego
And live in your love?
There were faint traces of it after all.
Blood pounding my head in steady beats now
Stupefying me.
That I had you
To lose you
It seems to unlearn me.

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(c) Amrita Valan 2014