Lower Than This I Cannot Go

You have made me feel today
Lower than the lowest low
To crave and wish for I must say
Darkens deep my brightest day
I just want you to say hello.

Months of feeling pain so supple and strong
Trying my hardest to quietly get along
Writing poetry isn't an easy choice
The lyrics come just like your haunted voice
And to sing just breaks down the song.

My love like a river gentle and slow
Never mindful which way I go
Stepping into a puddle I think an oceans depth
My foolish heart enough  you've wept
this boat of leaking dreams I row.

In my eyes your sun has inglorious set
I'm standing by a creaky deserted gate
It's amiss  the universe stands still at ease
People who love life abound in peace
All around me easily appeased
While I wait even though it's late.

I can no more write this lame childish plea
I cannot lament how it upsets me
Give me back my life or set me free
For I have set these tears at liberty
Taunting my own fate.

Perfection is an easy mind
A task is pleasant when it does not bind
A duty pleasure when it enhances honor
A pleasure is a charm
When it wins your favor

I have held such deeds to  happiness
My muse has been soft delightful grace
Now my life is parched my throat drinks from the grave
Of thoughts  undignified and far from brave

Enough for me,  I brace myself
Though my space is utter loneliness
I will not seek false embrace
I return your favors
Call back your ace

My private moon....
This dream of love
and support care and respect
I can see why the cow must jump over it
The dreams of mice and men
Are circumspect...
Easily in denial....too suspect.

Your body your soul
First Doctor yourself.
Dictate  your goals
Free your mind from slavery
Loving You is best...
When it's only me.

Loving is best set free from
Love's possessiveness
From badges of ownership or clubs of disgrace.

I am in love with you
and you are my dream.
That won't come true
But you're truest when
Your light shines
In the graven darkness
Of my mind.

Compose my calm
Be my sweetest balm
Behold my eyes look outside
of me
Mirror of my silenced fantasy.

I don't need a scarce dot of your luminous dot com world.
My inner numbers recite a trillion pages of a Secret You
Unfurled.

You cannot enumerate
The world I create
With the bits of you that I ideate
I  cannot wish  you
Into existence
We grin and bear it
On our own sides of the fence...

All  rights reserved
(c) Amrita Valan 2014