Akshara: November 2014

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Lower Than This I Cannot Go

You have made me feel today
Lower than the lowest low
To crave and wish for I must say
Darkens deep my brightest day
I just want you to say hello.

Months of feeling pain so supple and strong
Trying my hardest to quietly get along
Writing poetry isn't an easy choice
The lyrics come just like your haunted voice
And to sing just breaks down the song.

My love like a river gentle and slow
Never mindful which way I go
Stepping into a puddle I think an oceans depth
My foolish heart enough you've wept
this boat of leaking dreams I row.

In my eyes your sun has inglorious set
I'm standing by a creaky deserted gate
It's amiss the universe stands still at ease
People who love life abound in peace
All around me easily appeased
While I wait even though it's late.

I can no more write this lame childish plea
I cannot lament how it upsets me
Give me back my life or set me free
For I have set these tears at liberty
Taunting my own fate.

Perfection is an easy mind
A task is pleasant when it does not bind
A duty pleasure when it enhances honor
A pleasure is a charm
When it wins your favor

I have held such deeds to happiness
My muse has been soft delightful grace
Now my life is parched my throat drinks from the grave
Of thoughts undignified and far from brave

Enough for me, I brace myself
Though my space is utter loneliness
I will not seek false embrace
I return your favors
Call back your ace

My private moon....
This dream of love
and support care and respect
I can see why the cow must jump over it
The dreams of mice and men
Are circumspect...
Easily in denial....too suspect.

Your body your soul
First Doctor yourself.
Dictate your goals
Free your mind from slavery
Loving You is best...
When it's only me.

Loving is best set free from
Love's possessiveness
From badges of ownership or clubs of disgrace.

I am in love with you
and you are my dream.
That won't come true
But you're truest when
Your light shines
In the graven darkness
Of my mind.

Compose my calm
Be my sweetest balm
Behold my eyes look outside
of me
Mirror of my silenced fantasy.

I don't need a scarce dot of your luminous dot com world.
My inner numbers recite a trillion pages of a Secret You
Unfurled.

You cannot enumerate
The world I create
With the bits of you that I ideate
I cannot wish you
Into existence
We grin and bear it
On our own sides of the fence...

Burial

I am screaming oh god these are not tears my brain is in meltdown fried to cinders
Help me breathe I want to break this down to simple doable pieces
I want you to know me and like what you know.
I compose my despised compost of emotions
And see it lying
Garbage piled outside the door.

And I think i plead don't see the ugly futile words
See just my ideas please
I have no options left
You are a scream in my ugly brain
And it's not even dying down

It's going to take me down with it in a death song
Monsters laughing at my distress signals my hapless elegies
There's no sugar in my words
My brain dead from glucose exhaustion
reeling through deadly coasts
Of rock precipices of precision piercing again and again the shipwreck of my
soul .

I am writing floating my
Trash around to disgusting displays
The last remains
Of the survivor who knows no shame
But drowns integrity and honor
Clasping the caress of the name..
And you.
Hate it so.
My lifeline my octopus ink is
Squalid to you.
you don't have to douse yourself in my haemhoerage
There are writers of endearments

I am just the trashy refuse
Going out the gate.....
The oil spill that sleeks the troubled ocean
Kills the fish instead.
I am in hate with myself
and I wish to bury me dead
With the deadly devotion
I am skilled at
A bridesmaid of my hate. .

Let it Go

Let it go I let it go
The signs have told me
Let it flow

Get it away from you
It's not yours anymore
Just let it walk out of the door.

My heart is crying a crazy goodbye
My mind is willing me to lie
It isnt over just lie it low
And you'll see, it wont want to go.

Oh let go what has already gone
It's no fun when you don't belong
Its gone gone gone out of your grasp
What use then emptiness to clasp?

To your chest and hope for a chance
What went out flying
just let it dance
in the breeze and let it go
for this heart that's breaking will reveal a core

An encounter that's so much more
than one happy moment
You hold on to
Making a life out of a little me and you
It never was meant and it will not be so

It will not be so very bad .
Just let it go...
With eyes so wet and damp heart so sad
Let it go
Better to dry eyes daily
Than nurture mildew nursing hurts.

The wind was winner of the day
Took my romance and flew it away
Till you were as distant as kite
In foreign sky
And logic was lost to answer why

We met each other and we came close
Why my heart beat to your own
Why it must return and I go back
Love you till my days turn dark
Love you nights
When the skin of our skies go black
Love you dear when my breath goes slack
And now go my love
Away From me
Where you belong and forget the love that lacks
the right answers to hold you back.

Command Line

I was a soldier posted on Borderlands
I saw my duty to lay down my life
I saw much more than that
The beauty of the border lines between two civilizations, meeting in wilderness,
Meetings of death and life-
Borderlands...

Borderline beauties of the mind
As A soldier trained to obey
To set sights on targets
And see within my range
I didnt look up or down
But I kept my eyes fixed and focused on the great bull's eye.

My bullet missed the target each time I tried to out snipe the snipers out there
Keep my cross hair vision tidied and clean
The click of my safety catch
The trigger was all I heard
And the explosive bang of my bullet on target.

Forgive me that I saw so much beauty
forgive me my immortal soul
I let it all pass by;
Like a heat seeking guided missile,
I silent sought my prey,
And let life go by.

Till a stray bullet took its silver toll
And craggy shoulder spouted a bloody hole
And blue sky poured into my
Writhing wound
Warmer welcome I never found

Life rushed in as life rushed out
Mad birds sped accross skies of doubts
Chirrups thundered echoes accross dying corridors
Of shutting down brain
Eyes saw flowering crystal flakes.

I could have written your beauty too
Life this much I had owed to you
But the commanding officer in my mind
Told me to all else, must remain I Blind.

Silent deadly silver speed
My heart a bullet its lead must plead
Against the chosen heart held dear
Trigger happy ejected fears.

No love no life in a sniper wound
What border lines can you hide and defend?
The territory you seek to keep free
Is unfamiliar and unknown to
Me.

I call it my soul
The soldier may call it land
We're all patriots
With borders to defend
And that which you guard so dear
From friend or foe
Makes it a dead end of bloody woe.

Open the rose
The roads within...to
Fear the bullet the cardinal sin
Walls of watchfulness can never see
You exist deep in the heart of me.

The soldier with his heart of gold
Defended the land on which he stood
Took the bullet for which his life he sold
And the life he lost he never understood

Why then is it all to the good...
Count cost of mounting the hallowed rood
The lovely roads we tread to love
Some fall below others tread above

Don't forget to live the life you have
The deadlines and duties ordered
Weren't the ones that you're given in the streams of your holy blood.

Love the target that "you have set"
To shoot it is to target life not death.

I am a soldier of life I choose to live
On Borderlands of visions
I must pledge belief...

Command line of brain
Clear the mess within
Channel the energies of Love
To Live
And hate can never win.

Quiet Blessings

You smiled at me eyes glittering black
Your teeth were white
And thin lips of red
Sensuous curls of upturned mouth
And fine black kiss curls
Upon your noble head.
Your charcoal lashes
Against pale cheeks
Every part of your person
Was a choice I had seek
Out of imagination
But so real are you
So far from untrue
I want to overturn all
And find the truth with you.

Your satanic glint
Contains hidden amber tints
You melt ice
With honey eyes
And your cold embrace
Is dead as a mask
Upon your snowboard face.
I felt like a voracious bee
Feeding off your powerful nectarine bliss
Sweet memories of
Vaporized ease.
Now
You're pale as snow
There's a ghastly glow
Fine threadwork of veins
Blue shadows of pain
Your skin is careworn.
Your salt and pepper crown
What holds me enthralled are
Those long hands unfurled
Holding a lifetime in their grasp
Elegantly clasped
I'd like an embrace
Those hands upon my face
Yesterday's designs
Phantom moonshine
Now morsels of truth
Manna in dark woods
I'm glad of my chance
It was a dreamy dance.

We're dancers in the wood
Snow melting on two hoods
The wintry days begun
We live by kindled summer's warmth.

There's an incremental return
In the whorling patterns
Of your festive Hawaiian shirt
I feel your glittering pate
Still carries late afternoon sun
And scents of Eucalyptus and beachfront benches...
Wooden fossilized feelings
I bask like an insect glowing in morning sun with you.
Our skin is translucent the bones shine through
Brittle and brave
We are still dancing
Six feet from the grave.

Different moments
Two different people
Differential days
Indifferent understanding
under the undertaker sun
Youth of yesterday gone into voided places
Uninterrupted moments of quiet blissful feelings
We'll feed off those for our aces
My sweet partner
My dream romancer
My caregiver
Life supporter
Breath enhancer

Every day, and forever
Till the race will have been run
One of us will carry the other's ashes
Home inside an unctious urn

Oh my lover! Now hold my hand
We are quiet blessings upon each other
We are repositories captured ashes of spent feelings
Burning blazing our anxious hearts
Keeping love alive
In life's glowing embers
Reminiscent of eyes
Like coal black thunder
Hidden lights
From the Valley of the
Shadows of Death.
My dearest
Our days are numbered
The blessings are not
We count our calendars
Of approaching silence
The dates are all over.
We will bless each day spent together
One upon one.

Catacombs

Showers of gentle rain gusts of
Cool air chill outside my frozen windowpanes
I should I will I must get out more often
Step Outside my door
Where air is blessing to breathe
inbreeding no deadly germs of sun deprived depression.

It's in free and open roads
I see resilient stretches of strengthening turns and curves flow of endless possibility
Flowering into branched forks
Of fantasies.

Life doesn't grow so well
In a hothouse of passionate brooding and breeding. ..
Boredom creeps in

I wish I could visit a farm today
And see the animals living and loving the moment
Life in a living room
Is stale recycled. ...effete
Cultured growth cut off from the roots
I want to be virile
Rootstock growing from the
Ground up
The air outside is vibrant vividly diverse
The virulent mind sheds itself
Gears shift to reverse
Fear of being taken off course
Is Blown off the charts
Blown away like lungful of poison air
Conditioned viruses

This is the only way
lose it now
Get out go on
Till you outgrow old legs
And find your feet
On shaky soil
Crumbling loose inhibitions
And remodeling static expectations

The windowscreens of sepulchred
Souls need to be refreshed.

The dead mind is a sarcophagus
Vaulted necrosis of closeted catacombs of barren heartland.

Feed it sunlight rain and wind
Open up the mausoleum.
Crack the shafts of pain.

Romance

I love you
I love you
I am hapless and hopeless
And it's no use
I love you now and forever
And it's no use

Time has frozen on the wings of the butterfly
The world is succumbing jelly under my dauntless feet
I'm sinking in its sweetness my dearest
I have fallen in love
For the last time.

I'm the hummingbird's flight arrested
I'm loving you in slow motion
For eternity
Give or take an aeon
Eternity's estate is bereft of the
Property of my heart.
For who can delineate Zion?

My love is burnt blue ashes
Of my heartstrings
Still trembling to the touch of your lyre
It sings in the mystical stillness
Cascading through universal gyre.

Hear in my silenced voice strange sonic song
Barely above or below a whisper
The wind has swallowed my tomorrows
And it has swapped all my yesterdays
Well worth the exchange
My friend of friends
For I'm living
Now
In you.

I'm living a life time
In you
And I'm forever forever in
Now
Flickering like candle in the fall wind
Rising
Falling
Never dying
somehow.

This very moment I think
Contained in it
Entire existence blinks
And
The universe
In a nutshell squirreled away
in gentle prescience winks.

Perhaps I'm living
All my ordained lives up
Perhaps I'm giving
all my imperfect lives up
Just to be able to
Love you
Flawlessly
This way.

My beautiful beautiful love
Warm as Eiderdown
And soft as moss
Smaller than perspective
And vaster than thought
Lovingly I surrender
To your sweet embrace.
Surrender my story
To an Amazing Grace.

Muchos Gracias
The universe introduces
Us,
and we're two sides
Of the same
Timeless face..
Love is my last salute and song
Before dissolution
In namelessness.

Dance Track

Please excuse my excursions to every which territory my friends!
Maybe Diwali Spirits?

On the count cha cha cha
One two and lets dance
My years are numbered
Like a trance
My trackless tears
Dissolve in ears
Music trickling down my hair
..
One two cha cha cha
Change the track..
Pack it up
Speed up the dance
On the floor
frisky chance...dreams enhance
Whisk and spray....the only way
Life is Live
Freeze the tracks
If you want to die.

Thunder drums...lightning needs...beads of
Passion...sticky sweat. ..
Powdered doll"s....sugary smiles
Melts and smears after a while...

The music well it doesn't last
The dance gets much too fast
flee from the floor
The drums screaming more...
Tumbling up and down...mumbling like a clown
the horse you chose on the carousel...winks gaily at the one disdained...

Wonder if I can fall sideways in mid ride...
And land Still saddleback?

Heart beat...risen like a tide inside...
Of all the times this moment. ..
Is mere fraction of
My life...

How has it fractured my world
In smooth sinuous slide....
The world swayed and swung out of shape
Hips gliding upsetting tectonic plates
Every plane in torque topsy turvy
I have to dance this one
fast...
Make it last.
The Last One...

The waiting ends
In the waiting room. ..
The waiting game
Ends in doom.

Make up for the eternal waiting...
I am waking up limbs shaking
Making up
For a hundred years of beauty sleep..
Rising ugly
Like my worst nightmare
Like the tide
That'll do the deed
You'll never dare
Taken unaware
At the flood
Who cares baby?
I don't
I won't think now
I will sink
With
Each rise in music
bringing my needs to crescendo's brink
Desires denied
Are denials sired
The Musical
Goes mad
The stage set on fire
Dance Studio
LiveTrack
There is never any looking
Back.

Blame It On The Rains...

Intoxication

Your eyes are seeded crystals
Of frozen tears
Years laid in honeyed ice
No one looking can break the guise
Intoxication
Pierced my core
Split me with a pair of daunting eyes

Your twin hands delicate claws in fluted repose
That's held and discarded long suffering fluttering game
Easily crossed
Long slender fingers tapering off the tale in disdain
Discarding bleeding bundled bird of pain
Casting aside of an emptied emoted shell
Ritual rites of horrors in mystic dwell
In moonlit magical Mordoch orbs

Two eyes where tears could never well
Revelations never weaken the tale
The withholding breeds majestic strains...
of shrouded tease and torture in misty veils

Magnetized by the choppy sea
of moving waves
Eyes like dark hypnotic caves
My tears swimming steady in your molten gaze.

Trace the track of your gamine bones
Slivers of golden undertones
Highlight the bronzed brown
Of mannequin
You're unreal understated dream

Dreaming of you as rain rolls off my eaves
My windows stained by passions tasselled grief
I'm praying to molten silver skies
that carries leaden colors of your hidden eyes
Contain the pain and swirl back the doubtwaters
This is Adam whose ribs wifed a daughter

Born and reborn in his embrace
Could I have been without his gaze
A soul enduring an existence?

Those eyes have pinned me to my place
Fixed me in unending indolence
With a casual causal stormyness
Stone chips of chiseled sweet solace.

Hush Now!

Luke is crying as I cringe
The crystal soprano of his childish pipes shrilling into my ears
Baby I hear
Hush now!
Mamma wants to hug and kiss you too.

No! only me, mummy not him too
He hit me first
I understand my love
My little turtle dove.

At this Josh breaks down
With wails and copious tears
Maaammmaa! he hit me harder
I hear you dear.

Come on my lap baby give mamma a kiss
Put him down first!
And I think,
Pretty please
Babies are such a pernicious tease
Hushing and shooing
My totalitarian toddlers
Bends me into a mushy
wishy washy mollycoddler ...

Now at ease
Having been swiftly appeased
My troublesome two
Executes a quick switcheroo
In the wink of an eye
They sweetly bill and coo.

This is an anecdote of babies tyranny
Though I'm exhausted guess you'll find this funny.

Boy

My child and I
Hold hands in the rain
Stepping over puddles
Mising a step
Splashing into a few.

He gravely observes my comical dismay
As I survey the wet bottom of my jeans...
My shoes squelchy and soggy
My demeanor defeated
He grins toothsomely
And squeezes paws with me
And no boy has ever looked
So
Handsome.

Handing him over to his precious Florence Ma'am at school
Explaining breathlessly cause of lateness
Teacher and I exchange smiles
I catch his upturned face with a glint of smile
No flower boquet delivered to my door has been this velvety soft
As butter satiny as his sunshine.

My own
You're my son
Like sun you shone
Upon golden throne of your birth
And no music made its mark on me
As your aeroplane warbling crooning into restless nights.

My baby boy sleeps
Tossing aside blankets to dig deep inside the bedsheets
I have to uncover his face and release his smothered breath

Baby building safe wombs in his dreams
Mamma pacing the soft sepulchre of house sealed from
Inside.

Sometimes inside is all you need.
Sometimes the Insider inhabitants of the torrential heart
Makes this life a wholesome worthwhile dream.

And outside howls a temptress wind
Promising pumpkin carriages
And hesitant princes.
But at midnight sweetly kisses a prince of heart
Who knows what he wants
And that's only you.

Only you
His Mamma.

And all Wants and needs
Become united in one cherished deed.
Motherhood.

My love sleeps tight, still as a mouse
And quietly breathes
my loving living house.

The Woman

Please excuse me. I seem to write at great lengths these days... :)

She raises mountains to her cheeks
With the crystals that she weeps
And feels no shame
She climbs up peaks of brilliance
Through love's sweet resilience
And never fails to feel

Lucky as a last prayer
And happy amidst her cares
The truth can only make her dare
To raise herself.

Top it up and raise the crumbling stakes
She still has what it takes
crippled and craven she hobbles up the trail.

The sun blushes through her veil
She moves beyond the eternal pale
Her light is subtle ethereal
Yet Day itself is not more real.

The chirping crickets croon her ease
She is in her element in Nature's lease
And though she is timid
A daring moth to your candle flame
Willing to wither her wispy wings
In the spirit of the game.

A delicate bud of love upon stemming hope
Her wings of gold may turn to dust
And her tears her years may rust
away those hopes that curtail fear
But her heart and spirit still remains untouched
Seeking searching
Her soul stays pure.

She is something blue forever true
She is borrowed but forgotteb unused
She is white elephant not made to order
Eligibility beyond your claim
She will not be tamed
She remains unnamed
To equivocation.

But if you ask her
softly
Your kindness whispered
Will make her stay.

Like a stubborn iron stain
Bloodied rusted from layers of pain
Suffering won't wash away
She was annointed her penance
Sorrow cannot silence her eloquence
Or shake her brilliant smiling effervescence.

She is resigned victim
Sacrificial ritual kill
An unbroken unshaken bristling will
she calmly invites your chase
Dying a hundred deeper deaths
than many a one
Of people who
Sleepwalk to their end of days
To sleep in obsolete engraved pompous graves.

Her life is a gradual dreaming glacial haze
Her vision unsanctioned gaze
She's the shadowy face of doubt
Spurring your inclination to find her out
She is your scream suppressed
And dazed and blinded
Her laughter scorns and mourns your days

For she can laugh when she cries
Luminosity of her pellucid eyes
ciders wine and vinegar
Serrates diamond chips to glinting daggers
She can hurt you with
A whiplash of her eyes
freeze you with her baleful ice

And from virago to honey bee
She moults through mountains of your need

She can see right through
To the hurt beyond your lies
And she will stoop so that you, conquering, release your inner light

Burning Man of raining streams of shame
Shed all your tears for your hidden fears
Flashback the years of pain
For she is here and not a passing Siren
Seduction is not her game.

She kisses fire to set your soul aflame
And she is the one who will
direct your blaze
Ignite you with the grace of loving and living and making
Her
Your home and hearth,
Your fireplace.

Lightning strikes meteorite flight
Or the archetypal fight
A fixture in beholder's eyes
Demon's pawn or angel's spawn
She's both....Both...Both.
And both are one and same
A
war among unequals
to restore balance of power the games of unappeased cruel hunger.

burning bush and wailing wall
A jezebel you may mock and sell
Piece by piece in the marketplace
The carrion birds can't swallow Sati's flesh....

Ends
This trembling tale each bead of
tearful rosary

A heart in flight all her lifeto find the heart of her life.
You may capture never in your art
Her name makes lesions
In your secret parts.

Ominous shooting Star fallen wish like silver streak
Daydreamer devil
good and evil
Human
Human
Human is her uncalled name.

love's defloration non affiliation
She frames the portrait of life for you..
she is boundary and delineations
Borderlines of infinite creation
Defiant refined definitions of
Clichés and normative points of view.

Sow a hundred roses one by one
Pluck the petals kiss and burn
Scent her love in flagrant fragrant fame.
Perhaps you may
Arise, arrive
Be alive again..

More Than You Think

I love you much more than you could think
In thoughts of you
Soft blue skies flourish
Lush green earths nourish
star studded dizzy nights
Nodding giddy flowers
Spill out of my ink..

I love you
Much more than you can ever understand
And a casual stroke of my wavering wondering wand
can blossom a flourishing fairyland.
Just for you.

Fine blows the soft sand specks of time
Attaching to corners of our unwary eyes
tears of discomfort pricking
Rush of heart felt fears
Commitment the worst hated crime

But Love is like an elemental nursery rhyme
Elementary eternal it cannot not lie.
Like innocence it is full sublime
Fiercely alive it will not die.

In every age twin souls repeat
And sometimes two hearts as one will beat...

Listen....your conchshell heart and ears profound
Carry echoes of a roar....
An ocean of tears
Lamenting lost love
Perhaps you hear
the wistful sound?

Like child I lisp now in your ear
But another listens and so he will hear
Because
Love waits not in its onward assaulting flow
When love comes to you unasked
you can't afford to let it go.

For even when it's not for you
It is Love
And love just grows and grows
And grows
On you.

Love lets us show
Our inner cores to our lover
And opens a secret door
To knowing more
Of us.....Over and over and over
In spiraling circles of life ascending. ..

And
Love just moves us
Till we believe
What we already know. ..
In ourselves lies
Love's Salvation
Yes
In Love's cradled comfort
and sweet stronghold alone
We finally grow.

Gold Embossed Days

My love calls out in a triumphant shout
Flowing growing
Cast off the costs of lifeless doubts
Flowering blossoming
From painful shoot
It shouts
Life
Will bear its fruit
There is no way out.

And Iike I don't know what rejection is
I care nothing for acceptance
With my heart have I made peace
My love needs not your maintenance

And I love you knowing
Feelings flow and ebb and cease with life
But days of diamond sun and crystal breeze
remains forever to replay and please
In the heart of
the heart of life
And goes on and on in endless ceaseless waves
Days so eternally alive in simplest elegance
The universe relives them
In recurring ways
Growing to Godhood
In exponential truth
The logos of life
From me to you
And from me and you
To other lives
Unstoppable
Immortal blissful Route.

We redirect love like routers rout
Love will, like water find its level out
Paving its path from the denying stones of doubt.

Never shall die
Such days as these
These gold hued
Days emboss our shallow lives
Living
still imbued
In the depths of departed haze
when all the paltry numbered days
Of lives
Run out.

Flamed

Flamed.

I'm candle flamed in passionate darkness framed
I watch the many leaping dying tongues
Silhouettes on the walls of my mind
that stuns
Me into speaking silence.

I nurse a hurt like raging grave
Whose maw widens
And swallows my soul
In darkness
A bed of pain a nursery
Flowering this poem
Of consumption.

Take me alive the buried dead
Loving is a business blue unsaid
The sacred words
Hurtling in my head
I can never utter
Or reveal
relieve myself

It's dark in here
It's chilly cold
My mind is a mine
Would you be so bold
An excavation
Or
Annihilation
Of cold dying flames
Of
Green and gold.

I am shedding rubies
Tears and blood
Oh my silent heart
My forked tongue shall
Guard.

Laissez faire
Don't heed me dear
You may be blinded
by these acid tears.
Choked upon this changeling heart
My screams pierces the ears
Of those who cannot hear
May it stop its birth cry
Right at its start.
I
Cap it
And call it a magic trick.
Burning burning burning
Inside.
A smoking sanguine
Wick.

Weighted

My tears are heavy water
I cannot take their weight
The floor of my heart
Is lost
In the cellars of despair deep in the dungeons of doom
And disaster.

I am sinking
My thoughts are leaden knees
My love is weighted burden
Immeasurable
Measured
Drowning.

The water warbles
In curious hiss and gurgles
A choking sing song
Bittersweet sorrow
Croaking tales of Halloween
Sadness
No more tomorrows
Wish I to borrow
Half laughing half mourning
My Days of madness
Petrified dumb
Days mocking gladness

The cup runneth over
I smash the cup
The empty chalice
My emptiness
Upon your
Marble hearth.

The body's dead
The body of evidence
Points to expiry
At cutting edge
Of point of expiry
The soul released
Surveys
Insolvencies
Stringently curtails
Insurgency.

Moonlit madness
The heart is laughing
Cackling witches
In my chests are
Burning
Leavens my craven pain
With dire warning
Mottled bottled unrest...

End me now who enjoys my pain
Who knows when
Or why
We cast the die
Of life
Relived
Over and over and over
Again

Who knows
If I will be back in town again
Reborn to redeem
The lost cost of pain?

Filling spirit into the corpse of unwary flesh
Willing once again
To
Display her sordid wares
At your unruly local fair
But buyers beware!

Heed the hideous
Caveat
Of the
Heavy heart
Anchored to the rockbottom
bed of pain
At start.

Days are Flowers

My heart beats are numbered
As each day of my life
The order arranged
The flow of progress
Determined by actions
Actionable thoughts
Questionable intentions
And each bud puts out
And births a day
All my life throughout

A Day is like a flower
Which wakes
Caressed by sunny care
Each petal revels and releases my prayers
A day will not last a week a month or year
It's sun will set
A day is lifetime of a single flower.

On the floor of earth it blooms
And its sweet fragrances release
Its life and aim
is one day of ours
To bless and please

Carpe Diem whispered the flower
Live for this day this moment this hour
A day is a sweet flower on the tree of life

Live
like a flower
The Day
Replies.

( Bless this Day This sacred Day
   For It's all we can hold and
   scent and love
   And in its loving folds
   We grow to know
   The vineyards of life eternal
   A day is all we can pray for
   To find our way
   Make it the holiest prayer
   On your lips today )

Printed by Ponder Savant April 7 2021

Driven

The road ahead merged with the evening street lamps glimmering like falling stars in the fog
I was hoping sleep would come as the drive stretched interminably
Closing my eyes in vain, I prayed for drowsiness
But the soul wide eyed shut the door to sleep.

And suddenly,
The car was not grounded but aloft
Hovering
Balanced on cushions of air
Tangible bouyancy

And we were zooming through highways of heaven
Space trekking starlit corridors
I kept my eyes tightly shut in thrill
For I felt my own motion
By an act of will
We were floating Gods

Wind speed increased.
I could feel the momentum
The impetus of being a projectile
Hurtling forward in smooth buttery glide

To What?-
The strangely scary question
Gave pause
Perhaps this dreamy interlude
Preceded death
Perhaps this was
Interlocking air space
Between life and it's
End.

We will enter the following domain decreed to us
That every cell in my body
Felt
In a wave like motion
Fear surfaced
Is this the end?

And as I opened my eyes
In sudden panic
A strange reluctance
Not ready
Yet...

The End catapulted back into itself
And coiled back the tunnel syndrome I had felt..

Speeding accross the highway
Stopping at the toll booth
Paying for passage
Applying brakes shifting gears
Restart
The comic charade
Life limited unlifted
Look out for the car ahead.
We're not lifting any hitchhikers.
Driving back home on
Autopilot
Going airborne another day.

Blessing

Her tiny feet taking trouble
Traversing my little flat
My mind hears the sound of her movement
The clinking bangles
The inconsequential criss crossing the wandering around
Restless to explore her daughter's domain.
Picking up knick knacks
Exclamations at some perceived beauty
Gentle pointers and tips given.

My eight month old nest in foreign city suddenly feels blessed
And converts instantly to Home...

Long after she is gone I will remember the pit pat
Of dainty feet
Murmured admonition
The trifles of our chitchat floating through my space sifting the silence in my head
With her showered affection.

Every square inch
Where her foot trod so casually
Now
Blessed familiar ground
Made as though through sacramental rites
Safer than
Safe Haven.

Confidante

Exhausted bruised and confused.
I stopped
Enchanted disillusioned
In front of the framed photo
On the wall

To look at your divine beauty.
Compassion and something else controlled
contained
Suspended
Judgement on erring mortals

For who knows better
Than You
My confidante
How many slips there are
Between
The cup and the lip.

And how often we are swatted
At the peak of our
Proposals
Rotting in unknown files
Waiting for
Divine approval
Or disposal.

My lips curl into my mouth
In frustrated sorrow my shoulders curve and bend
To borrow a last vestige of visceral gut strength.

Lord I can't take you .
Anymore.

In suspension far above
When I need you
Idol or not
In my longing arms
Off your pedestal
Giving me a warm comforting
Hug.

My tears drained
I wipe my face and futile cheeks
Of disgrace
And you glow
With strange
Determined strength.

Infusions suffuse me
My Lord
I understand you so well now
Almost better than
You understand me.

I understand that you have faith
I can be.

See me through this one Lord
Like you always do.
Watch me get by
Like I always do.

My Lord knows the infinite probabilities of my final outcome
And he remains calm.

I agitate and prostrate
Like a dervish doll
Wanting the dice to roll in a certain way
Causing havoc in the play.

We both know
Not having
Or having it all
Is
The same difference.

We're not unhappy
with fate
Only
With ourselves.
And I'm not unhappy anymore
When you accept
That I can be.

Yes. I know
I can
Be.

Ever

Skies are thin blue skins
Sensitive hurting awareness
How coming codes for brief stay...
Going away means gone.

They were at my house for breakfast
But now at lunchtime
Every room in the house
Has become a memory
Of absence
Signifying
joyous past presence.

My parents
How they're already missing their grandsons
On their flight back home
Brings pricking tears
To my desolate eyes.
I remember wistful pretended gay smiles
Withering in emaciation.
My mouth goes awry
discarding composure.

I guess it won't be the same for quite a while
I guess my slice of sighing skies and eyes
Will mist with moisture
For some more time.

Tears are joyous release
Flow of love
For what the eyes will miss.

Towards the Fire

Towards the fire make your bow
The fire of life it calls you now
Touch your heart's deepest desire
Forge to purity in inner fire

Till burnt to ashes on sacred pyre
The foolish follies we so admire

The fire of life is a sacred ring
We push through it our lives to win
To breathe that first foul gulp of air
To win entrance to life's passing fair

suffuse your lungs witness the Light
Our very lives are paens sung to it
Dare to dazzle quench your sight.

The first light the first cache of empty air
Sets us aflame to burning blazing fire

This fire kindled the baby's lustful thrust
Immerse in it
Be what you must.

Fire your passions vow to seek
Your uttermost lofty peak to reach
Ignite shadows illuminate
Darkness, doubt and rein in fate.

Fate the steed with trailing reins
The master horseman
Shall gather it in.

The Dark world's untrodden unguarded path
hooves of light spurred by iron heart
Shall blaze a trail never looking back.

The lucky horse shoe is the one worn out.
Tread and gallop the path of doubt.
Dispel ignorance set your goal to win
not passive bliss but reach victory's inn.

Let Victory be the change of horse
That spurs you on to greater course
Lust for a life so lustrous
Burn away the dross of lust.

Beyond the maverick's muddied cause
Beyond the carnival of merry loss
What remains is truest to our
trust
The Diamond of life that cannot rust.

Toward the fire take your bow.
The fire of life that burns you now.
To mettlesome heart and mind
and loving soul
All else was fuel
to merely feed your fire
Cold compressed coal.

The Diamond shines through the cold of grief and burning cross
And it is you
through years of tears
and laughter
And the coils of mortal love
And lives hereafter
It is you
breaking upon the sandy reefs and lonesome cliffs of bitter loss.

You are
essence tried and tested
And passed anew
Through
the Fire of
Truth
Yes,
That always was
And will forever live on

The eternal spark
Of Life
Is you.

Shower

Shower of leaves on a crisp autumn day
Symphonies of sunlight beckoning poetry
Each leaf falls to a note of music
Cascades of harmony
Trailing rhapsody on bare
earthen ground.

I hear dulcet tones and divine
transformative sensations grave and refined
A Saturnal satiny final fall
A Silent drifting off to sleep
A haunting melodic lilting through rippling space
Life fallen in a heap of beauty
Rustling freedom at my feet.

Joy renders such comparisons needless
These are moments of splendor
and startling grace
Careless to hide its eager face or evade
An acceptance in carefree embrace
Of dry dessications end destinations
A once upon a lifetime of far away freshness
The lushness of hanging green accentuated by carpets of rusty browns.

Oh how I fall in love and feel and live
the lives of angels in each descent
The ground is blessed with confetti spread
Annointing the seasonal weddings of Life
And Death.

Autumn wooing white winter in
The Dark Knight winter
Courts fresh spring
Spring spritely ushers spirited summer in.
And summer sweet maiden falls in love afresh
With autumnal lingerings.

Cycles of life
Celebration of love.

I love how life melts itself in the softening breeze
How it melds and meets its end
How life in love with itself and death
Loves to tease
Eternity cycles go on
And I love
Beginnings
And
How ends begin.

Life is a good lover.
It entrances when in exit
And exiting enhances
Entrances.
Life is in love with
Making ends meet.

Akshara