The Night Before I Died

The Night Before I Died

Have you seen your own eyes
Floating
Filled with silver yearnings captured off that moon
The wind blew so cold
The constant drizzling splattered the leaves
My unborn great grandson
May have heard it too
In my great daughter in law's womb.

I like that thought it comforts me
The new life I will never see
We shared a last song
Duet earth sang to heaven's teardrops falling.

My bed was a lonely place
And loneliness isn't absences
Of beloved dearly departeds
But presences alive in the mind
Relentless Remembrances.

The cool breeze stroked my  cheeks sucked the air out of my nostrils.
My world went weak.
My blood was cold as ice and the last moon that I would see
Seemed a snowy haired woman
Waiting to get me.

I am coming my mother
My moon mother my god mother
My she devil ancestresses
My life flows out strings and tendrils to nights long black tresses.

And he screamed.
In the womb my unborn descendant dreaming saw the lonely dawn
The cold bleak dawn
Another rainy morn
And a lonely line of his tearful
Elders
Paying respects.

I surveyed my room.
As space and time flying out of my reach.
My hands felt my bed
And the rosary slipped
The beads tightlipped
Clattering
Two  hands prayed
God lift thine
And Hold mine
Show me where I'm going instead.

My nails crescent white moons
Glowed.
They will be growing after my death.
my fingers gingerly crossed themselves
And my wedding band
My fragile hand
Fell back motionless.

The rain criss crossed the moon
Countless times that night
Light and bright
Made the holy sign
Slanted lines
And the wind
and the wind
and the wind
It became the great hollow of my mind.

She cried tears in her sleep
Her unborn child was kicking deep
And deep inside the house
In the small hours of the
dark morning
I fell into
my forever sleep.

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(c) Amrita Valan 2014