Traipsing Tritely

I gave up my self to you
I would have loved acceptance .. but it had to be whole or nothing.
Taking it back now
Speeding up to leave
The train  leaving station
Heating up  to grieve
Now don't know how far
I must go
Rest denied
Burning out!
In Taut motion...

I plead inside harshly
slow down! go slow!
Burning out! Curse me!
In a mania of motion
My music murdered me...

I beg inside bursting
This speed
Unsustainable
Trust me!
Slow down.
Go slowly!

I have been traipsing tritely
tripping lightly through life
It  just happened
All  the time.

Timed out
In the penalty box
Feeling cross
Going nowhere
Nothing happened to me.

All my stations
Time after time
brief insipid watering stops.

Now I can't stop! hardly!
My burning bright lights
Edging past home towns
rising up your ferris wheel
Rocking ride on your loveless roller coaster
Tilting metal
Bending reality
Welding juggernaut visions
Whooshing down a bad dream!

On the level
The tracks deceptively double up  and fork out
Straight into the mouth of a gruesome tunnel
carved deep into infinitesimal heart of lofty mountain

just dived in!
In headlong rush
gushing nameless smoke
A weight of  worlds unsaid crushing my bones.

Release came fast!
Expectorated like spittle venomously ejected
emerge as projectile...

But
Sputter...splutter...
I spit inside. tersely!
Run! go on!
Why stop now?
My tears running
Corroded stone!

Splutter...sputter...
splurges of soul in the years   cried.
Once engine died.

All the fallen tears belong to
Iced yesterdays
Cooler than crushed cold velvet  limp lifeless.

Today's tears trap
lava glides avalanching
Down scorching cheeks
Magma melting skin off my face
Masks freely erased.

Hot  oily black lust
Fuelling last magnificent ride
Liquidating smog into air into desire
Grudging
Spiteful
Perfunctory fire.

My mind has lost its presence
To plead
heartbeats warn me.

Running on empty
Clearing clogged present
Of past happenings
And futures of present tense
Reduced to glowering embers
Red.
Stop.
Light.

Here tracks end
Stations  slither away
into sludgy desert wastes.

Like the wind summoned by ignorant prayers
You catch up gamely, a breezy Sahara
sporting angel in jest,
just a test driver. 

Run a breathy  check on each soulless compartment
Emptied of whatever it was
That ever made me.
Sniff the blood
The lack of it
The whiff  of absence
In the perfume of me.

Perhaps that is what finally appeals
The void
Of my silent inarticulate shell.

Past Present and future perfect.
A buffoonery, a cowardly tale.
In possession of demon driver.
So go,
garage my carcass in hell.

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(c) Amrita Valan 2014