Last night I committed`suicide in my heart and in my mind. I construct my dream life and my own deaths very well, all my expertise lies in make belief tales. In my fairytale life I am a good mother a great wife on a manly husband's arm and my twin sets' of boys and girls and the odd bonus baby would be winners at any baby show in town. But yesterday I unplugged the dream and down the basin it went. As in gurgling gasps the good life bade goodbye La dolce vita waned. Did a fading number in the sunset of my tired brain.
I realized that my own lying tales
have kept me in hell. And afternoon soap operas spun out of housewives doldrums escaped into airwaves. The lies creep down twin wells of teartracks staining my face.
Last night I committed hara kiri, to save my shameful face. Killed my dream children and slaughtered their daddy in ruthlessness. Made myself deny their existence.
As his sweet smile crinkled his imagined craggy face for one last cute beetle browed grin, and that merry twinkle in light hued orbs did their last special dance specially for me, I madly reached out to hold on to my faux life. But then my pride intervened to commit kame kaze and kill myself. So bid adieu my faux children and husband goodbye. fresh scented arms of five innocent babes goodbye to your toothless funky smiles sad eyed innocence and reckless yawns goodbye baby gurgles and soft breath goodbye and you their guardian and me their mother- creator goodbye.
Welcome Home!
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(c) Amrita Valan 2014
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